Cocktail parties, client receptions, and networking hours can be wonderful career-developing opportunities for you. You get to know others – and they get to know you – all while in a relaxed environment.  But don’t make the mistake of “letting your hair down” simply because you have a drink in your hand!  These functions are still business in nature and best used for making new connections, finding resources, nurturing existing relationships, and staying on the inside track, NOT partying till the cows come home!

Keep these guidelines in mind:

Circulate

• Your company is expecting you to work the room in order to connect with clients, prospects, board members, competitors, vendors  – to build bridges, deepen relationships, gather intel, and find new business.  Even when it’s a purely internal event, this is your chance to put faces on that org chart and get the skinny on clients, projects, openings, etc.
• If you enter the room and don’t immediately see someone you know, try to make eye contact with a friendly face or head toward an already-formed group of people who look like they’re having fun.
• Don’t clump! It’s okay to hang out with your friends for one drink or a few appetizers, but then it’s time to disperse and find new people to talk with.
• The best places to stand are either by a food table or in the center of the room.  Food tables attract foot traffic so they’re great places to find people to engage in conversation. Food also provides good conversation starters (“Have you tried that?” “Do you think the green sauce goes with that?”).  And everyone moves through the center of the room during an event making it another good place to connect, disengage, and connect again.

Respect Boundaries

• Use a filter when you talk. Don’t let company secrets slip out in your conversation or share something off-color or controversial. You don’t want to be next week’s “hot topic”!
• If you’re not on a first-name basis with someone between 9 & 5, you’re not after 5:00 either.
• Don’t monopolize any one individual. 10-15 minutes per person is a good amount of time for small talk.

Don’t Overindulge

• Limit your alcohol intake to 1 or 2 drinks. If you don’t drink alcohol, don’t feel pressured to do so. Choose a soft drink or water instead.
• Don’t pile food onto your appetizer plate. Better to make a few trips back to the food table to replenish, than to advertise you’re starving and the frig is empty at home.

One Final Tip: Go with the attitude that you’re the host of the party, even when you’re the guest. Keep an eye out for people who need help with their coats, finding their name badge, or locating a colleague. Doing what you can to make the party a success will shine a nice spotlight on you.

Success is all about who you know, right? And, about who knows you!  So it’s vital that you take initiative, stick out your hand, and introduce yourself to others. Here are four settings you should always take advantage of:

When you recognize someone, but you’re not sure if he or she recognizes you
Never assume casual acquaintances will remember you.  Reintroduce yourself and remind them of when you met before.  “Hi John, I’m Sophie Johnson, we met at the regional meeting in December.” They will probably jump in before you even finish, with “Of course I remember you, Sophie!”  It’s better for that to happen, then to watch them as they search their mental rolodex in a frantic effort to recall your name!

When you’re seated next to someone you don’t know
Be the initiator, whether it’s a luncheon, conference, or training class: “Hi Bob, I’m Janet Baker from Acme Labs.  How are you today?”

When the introducer doesn’t remember your name
Don’t watch them sweat – jump in and save them! You’ll be in their shoes one day.

When you can’t remember their name
It’s happened to all of us at one time or another. It’s always best to admit it right away in the conversation. I had a friend once who never let on that he had no idea who he was talking with, but kept chatting away as though he did. Then a colleague walked up to him and said, “Hey John, introduce me to your friend.” Busted!

My advice: “Hi, I’m Paul Collins. We had a really interesting chat about basketball at last year’s meeting. Please remind of your name. I’m afraid it’s slipped my mind.” 

And what’s the best way to remember names? Word association games have never worked for me. “Okay, she likes the beach, beach has sand, her name is Sandy!” You can spend so much time creating the links that you tune out on the actual conversation. Instead, use their names 3-4 times as you continue to converse. “That’s a great story, Becky….So, Becky, who did you work with at Acme….Have any exciting travel plans for the summer, Becky?’

One last tip: Don’t try to memorize both first and last names. Aim for memorizing only the first. That’s all you’ll really need in conversation. If you need their last names, look again at their name badge or the business card they gave you.

Conducting meetings via videoconference is becoming more and more popular in business today. It can be a very cost-effective way to bring far-flung employees and teams together – without the costs associated with travel. In order to use it effectively, here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Arrive early enough to learn how to use all of the equipment. Practice using the various buttons.
• Check the volume levels, both outgoing and incoming. Find the volume control and learn how to increase/decrease.
• Check yourself in the picture-to-picture screen. Arrange seating so that people can be eye level with the camera.
• Are people well-lit? You may need to add lighting or open blinds to eliminate shadows on faces.
• Don’t put lighting behind people which will make them appear dark and in shadow.
• Clear out distractions in the background. Visualize the Oval Office when the President appears on-camera from his desk. Curtains, credenza, a few photos. Simplify your background, too.
• Dress in solids or very small patterns. Stay away from shiny jewelry (which can add glare) and  large or busy prints.
• Speak clearly and slowly, aiming toward the microphone.
• Refrain from looking away, typing, or talking with someone off-screen.
• Look into the camera when you’re speaking. If you look at the screen, you’ll look like you’re looking off into the distance.
• Conversely, when you’re listening, look at the screen (at them, not your email inbox – we can see your eyes travel back and forth and hear you type!).
• Move as little as possible, with no fidgeting or big gestures.
• Wait for the time delay as people speak . Don’t overtalk each other.
• Sit up straight.
• Turn off all cell phones. People don’t want to hear the beep that says you’ve received a text or new comment on your Facebook status!

The concept of “small talk” makes many people nervous. Their biggest fear about going to an event is often that they won’t have anything to talk about.  I’ve always felt one of the best things you can do at a networking function, cocktail party, or reception is to LISTEN. You can learn so much about the other person and their work, but also discover their passions, values, and motivators when you are sincerely curious about them.

BUT, when the conversation rolls around to you – or when there’s that awkward lull – can you jump in with something that will keep it chugging along? You can, when you’ve done some preparation and come with your Give/Get List firmly in mind. I first learned of this trick from the book, “Make Your Contacts Count” by Anne Baber & Lynne Waymon, which is loaded with lots of good networking tips.

Here’s what they suggest. Before any event, make a list of 5 things you have to Give and 5 things you’d like to Get. Let’s focus on Giving first. Giving to others is a quick way to build a network because, what will they want to do in return? Give back to you two-fold!  As Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” So, take a few minutes right now to think of what you have to offer: resources, opportunities, expertise, introductions?

One person I coached realized he could:

• recommend a great new design blog
• offer expertise on housebreaking puppies
• alert others to a new job opening
• share tips on filling out grant applications
• recommend a new “meetup” group

He could have gone on and on, because there is really no limit to the topics you could talk about. The problem is there are too many!

Now to the Get list. Think about the problems you want to solve, the things you want to learn, the opportunities you’re seeking. My same client decided he’d like to find:

• A graphic designer
• New sushi restaurants
• A presentation skills coach
• Management book recommendations
• Discount office furniture

If you prepare a Give/Get list before a function, you’ll find that you actually look forward to small talk. Networking will transcend being a chore, a bore, or scary. It will become an fun process of search and discovery!

Managers often need to have challenging conversations with those they manage.  Dress code infractions, absenteeism, and poor performance are just a few of the topics they might need to address.  No one likes to conducts those meetings, but it’s always better to deal with the issues sooner rather than later.

It’s also good to have a plan in mind for the flow of the conversation – so emotions can be held at bay for these hot-button issues.  Here’s a 1-minute video on how to conduct a particular awkward conversation regarding someone’s image, specifically body odor issues.  Have you ever had a similar type of conversation with someone you work with? How did it go – anything you’d do differently?

Let’s be honest – we all do it. Pass along a gift we don’t like or have no use for to an unsuspecting friend or relative. So how can we do it gracefully and without tipping anyone off?  Here are a few guidelines to keep in mind -

Make sure the new recipient can actually use the item. Just because you don’t want it means they will. Give some thought to their tastes in clothing, music, jewelry, home décor.  Ask youself – will this regift be something they’ll truly enjoy/wear/use?

Never regift something that was handmade, one-of-a-kind, monogrammed, or autographed.  You should keep these gifts and, at least, put on display when the giver is in the vicinity.  If you regift these items to others, you will most assuredly be found out at some point.

I hope this goes without saying – only regift something that has never been opened or used!  The new recipient will be able to tell if the original shrink wrap is missing or they find a bacon bit in the salad spinner.

Regift only – and this is very important – to someone in a completely different social circle from the original giver. This will ensure that the scarf or picture frame will never be seen by them and your anonymity will be preserved.

Don’t rewrap in the original wrapping paper or gift box.  Again, the regifting will be obvious to the recipient, especially when they find the gift tag made out to you hidden under the tissue.  Find a new box and wrap this regift up anew!

Finally, if you’re the kind of person who keeps a stash of regifts ready for giving on a moment’s notice, take heed.  Keep meticulous records!  You don’t want to give your college roommate the very same sweater she gave you 2 years ago!

Holiday parties at the office can be great fun and a nice way to celebrate the year with your co-workers, but they can also be a career minefield if not handled well. Remember – you’re still “on” and being observed by others. Look at these events as opportunities to put your best food forward and make positive impressions on those who control your career. Here are 6 tips to help you shine at your company’s holiday party:

1. Dress Appropriately
Nothing shocking or out of the ordinary, please. It’s important to be seen at these events, but don’t let it all hang out! Stay true to your company’s dress code, simply add a little more polish or sparkle. Easy fixes: upgrade your shirt or tie, or add a sparkly belt, jewelry, bag, or shoe.

2. Work the Room
Avoid clumping with your best buds and use the event to introduce yourself to some new folks, have a more meaningful conversation with those you know a little, and get some valuable face time with the upper ranks. You’ll come away with new or stronger relationships that could benefit you later.

3. Keep Small Talk Light and Positive
Stick to the “A & E” topics: books, movies, theater, museums, travel, restaurants, etc.  It’s never a good idea to discuss politics, religion, your love life or recent medical procedures at a social event.  Ask people if they’ll be traveling for the holidays or what they’ll be asking Santa for this year.  That should start the ball rolling.

4. Drink Lightly
One or two glasses of beer, wine, or spiked punch will get you through the evening.  And there’s nothing wrong with sodas or sparkling water.  Don’t overindulge and become tomorrow’s Hot Topic at the office.  Many careers have been ruined because of excessive drinking and the uninhibited behavior that usually follows.

5. Maintain Boundaries
If you’re not on a first name basis between 9 & 5, you’re not after 5:00.  Maintain the usual bubbles of personal space and show the same deference to superiors you do during the day.  In other words, don’t walk around the party holding mistletoe over your head.  That’s a sexual harassment lawsuit in-the-making.

6. Watch What You Post
Don’t ruin the positive impression you make tonight with a questionable status update, Tweet, or tagged photo of you tomorrow morning.  Any online post you make about the party should be done with a clear and sober head.  Ask your friends to do the same.

I’d love to hear about the Do’s and Don’ts you see at your party.  Please post them here!

A just-released study by the Center for Professional Excellence finds that, for the second year in a row, students aren’t making the grade as professionals in the workplace.  Who was surveyed?  Not only business leaders and HR professionals nationwide, but also current college students and recent graduates from around the country.

Survey-takers said that less than half of all new grads exhibit professionalism at work.  Traits spotlighted as troubling in this year’s findings included “internet etiquette” which respondents noted as getting worse, not better.

What’s your tech-etiquette like these days?  Do you use technology appropriately?  Take the following quiz and see how you do:

Do you turn your cell phone off or to vibrate in meetings and classrooms?
Do you have a ringtone that doesn’t shock others or make them giggle when they hear it?
Do you refrain from texting while in a meeting, class, or a face-to-face conversation?
Do you correct your spelling before you press “Send”?
Do you use both upper and lower case letters when composing emails?
Do you “Respond to All” only when absolutely necessary?
Do you add an executive summary at the top when you forward emails to others?

If you answered “yes” to all, great job!  Your tech-etiquette is in good shape.  If you answered “no” to any of the questions, it’s time to review how you communicate electronically.  Don’t let your tech-etiquette hold you back!

It’s election time again and you know what that means…attack ads, smear campaigns, finger-pointing, and shrill debates.  You can’t seem to get away from the negativity that has become the US political process.  In days gone by, there was a sense of civility and respect among candidates who peppered their remarks with “my esteemed opponent”, “dear sir”, and “my respected colleague.”  I miss those days.

As I write this, news shows are discussing what happened on “The View” yesterday – a yelling match between Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Bill O’Reilly where both ladies walked off in the middle of the show, only to come back a few minutes later.  That’s bad enough, but what I find even more interesting, is that Whoopi Goldberg’s new book on civility arrived in bookstores only a few days ago!  I was planning to buy it, but now I’m not so sure.

What we all need is a big dose of RESTRAINT.  P.M. Forni, author of Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct and professor at Johns Hopkins University has written beautifully about this very idea:

“I would say insufficient training in restraint is identified as a cause of rising incivility.  As a society, we have been very good in instilling self-respect in our children but not as good in instilling self-restraint. When we teach self-esteem but forget to train our children in self-restraint, we create children who are self-centered, who believe the world revolves around them, who are so self-invested that they have little moral energy left for their fellow human beings.  They are trapped in a cage of narcissism that we have built for them. Restraint is an essential component of civility. We are civil when we are aware of others and we weave restraint, respect and consideration into the very fabric of this awareness.”

Restraint, respect and consideration – three elements we need to incorporate once again into our conversations, workplaces, classrooms, reality shows, and political campaigns.

A cruel irony – News broke about Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi’s suicide on the very day a two-year Rutgers program called “Project Civility” began. The program, specifically designed to promote civil behavior in the digital age, kicked off Wednesday night on the Rutgers campus amid the reality that a student had just committed suicide after his two classmates allegedly broadcast his homosexual encounter over the internet without his knowledge.  (NJ.com)

It can be easy to hide behind the veil of social media anonymity.  Hopefully, programs like Rutgers’ “Project Civility” will infuse a sense of responsiblity into how these students utilize the power of the internet and social networking. More programs like these are needed in schools, businesses, and communities around the world!

Have YOU ever felt victimized or slandered by others’ posts or use of digital media?