Managers often need to have challenging conversations with those they manage.  Dress code infractions, absenteeism, and poor performance are just a few of the topics they might need to address.  No one likes to conducts those meetings, but it’s always better to deal with the issues sooner rather than later.

It’s also good to have a plan in mind for the flow of the conversation – so emotions can be held at bay for these hot-button issues.  Here’s a 1-minute video on how to conduct a particular awkward conversation regarding someone’s image, specifically body odor issues.  Have you ever had a similar type of conversation with someone you work with? How did it go – anything you’d do differently?

Let’s be honest – we all do it. Pass along a gift we don’t like or have no use for to an unsuspecting friend or relative. So how can we do it gracefully and without tipping anyone off?  Here are a few guidelines to keep in mind -

Make sure the new recipient can actually use the item. Just because you don’t want it means they will. Give some thought to their tastes in clothing, music, jewelry, home décor.  Ask youself – will this regift be something they’ll truly enjoy/wear/use? 

Never regift something that was handmade, one-of-a-kind, monogrammed, or autographed.  You should keep these gifts and, at least, put on display when the giver is in the vicinity.  If you regift these items to others, you will most assuredly be found out at some point.

I hope this goes without saying – only regift something that has never been opened or used!  The new recipient will be able to tell if the original shrink wrap is missing or they find a bacon bit in the salad spinner.

Regift only – and this is very important – to someone in a completely different social circle from the original giver. This will ensure that the scarf or picture frame will never be seen by them and your anonymity will be preserved. 

Don’t rewrap in the original wrapping paper or gift box.  Again, the regifting will be obvious to the recipient, especially when they find the gift tag made out to you hidden under the tissue.  Find a new box and wrap this regift up anew!

Finally, if you’re the kind of person who keeps a stash of regifts ready for giving on a moment’s notice, take heed.  Keep meticulous records!  You don’t want to give your college roommate the very same sweater she gave you 2 years ago!

Holiday parties at the office can be great fun and a nice way to celebrate the year with your co-workers, but they can also be a career minefield if not handled well. Remember – you’re still “on” and being observed by others. Look at these events as opportunities to put your best food forward and make positive impressions on those who control your career. Here are 6 tips to help you shine at your company’s holiday party:

1. Dress Appropriately
Nothing shocking or out of the ordinary, please. It’s important to be seen at these events, but don’t let it all hang out! Stay true to your company’s dress code, simply add a little more polish or sparkle. Easy fixes: upgrade your shirt or tie, or add a sparkly belt, jewelry, bag, or shoe. 

2. Work the Room
Avoid clumping with your best buds and use the event to introduce yourself to some new folks, have a more meaningful conversation with those you know a little, and get some valuable face time with the upper ranks. You’ll come away with new or stronger relationships that could benefit you later. 

3. Keep Small Talk Light and Positive
Stick to the “A & E” topics: books, movies, theater, museums, travel, restaurants, etc.  It’s never a good idea to discuss politics, religion, your love life or recent medical procedures at a social event.  Ask people if they’ll be traveling for the holidays or what they’ll be asking Santa for this year.  That should start the ball rolling.

4. Drink Lightly
One or two glasses of beer, wine, or spiked punch will get you through the evening.  And there’s nothing wrong with sodas or sparkling water.  Don’t overindulge and become tomorrow’s Hot Topic at the office.  Many careers have been ruined because of excessive drinking and the uninhibited behavior that usually follows.

5. Maintain Boundaries
If you’re not on a first name basis between 9 & 5, you’re not after 5:00.  Maintain the usual bubbles of personal space and show the same deference to superiors you do during the day.  In other words, don’t walk around the party holding mistletoe over your head.  That’s a sexual harassment lawsuit in-the-making.

6. Watch What You Post
Don’t ruin the positive impression you make tonight with a questionable status update, Tweet, or tagged photo of you tomorrow morning.  Any online post you make about the party should be done with a clear and sober head.  Ask your friends to do the same. 

I’d love to hear about the Do’s and Don’ts you see at your party.  Please post them here!

A just-released study by the Center for Professional Excellence finds that, for the second year in a row, students aren’t making the grade as professionals in the workplace.  Who was surveyed?  Not only business leaders and HR professionals nationwide, but also current college students and recent graduates from around the country. 

Survey-takers said that less than half of all new grads exhibit professionalism at work.  Traits spotlighted as troubling in this year’s findings included “internet etiquette” which respondents noted as getting worse, not better. 

What’s your tech-etiquette like these days?  Do you use technology appropriately?  Take the following quiz and see how you do:

Do you turn your cell phone off or to vibrate in meetings and classrooms?
Do you have a ringtone that doesn’t shock others or make them giggle when they hear it?
Do you refrain from texting while in a meeting, class, or a face-to-face conversation?
Do you correct your spelling before you press “Send”?
Do you use both upper and lower case letters when composing emails?
Do you “Respond to All” only when absolutely necessary?
Do you add an executive summary at the top when you forward emails to others?

If you answered “yes” to all, great job!  Your tech-etiquette is in good shape.  If you answered “no” to any of the questions, it’s time to review how you communicate electronically.  Don’t let your tech-etiquette hold you back!

It’s election time again and you know what that means…attack ads, smear campaigns, finger-pointing, and shrill debates.  You can’t seem to get away from the negativity that has become the US political process.  In days gone by, there was a sense of civility and respect among candidates who peppered their remarks with “my esteemed opponent”, “dear sir”, and “my respected colleague.”  I miss those days.

As I write this, news shows are discussing what happened on “The View” yesterday – a yelling match between Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Bill O’Reilly where both ladies walked off in the middle of the show, only to come back a few minutes later.  That’s bad enough, but what I find even more interesting, is that Whoopi Goldberg’s new book on civility arrived in bookstores only a few days ago!  I was planning to buy it, but now I’m not so sure.

What we all need is a big dose of RESTRAINT.  P.M. Forni, author of Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct and professor at Johns Hopkins University has written beautifully about this very idea:

“I would say insufficient training in restraint is identified as a cause of rising incivility.  As a society, we have been very good in instilling self-respect in our children but not as good in instilling self-restraint. When we teach self-esteem but forget to train our children in self-restraint, we create children who are self-centered, who believe the world revolves around them, who are so self-invested that they have little moral energy left for their fellow human beings.  They are trapped in a cage of narcissism that we have built for them. Restraint is an essential component of civility. We are civil when we are aware of others and we weave restraint, respect and consideration into the very fabric of this awareness.”

Restraint, respect and consideration – three elements we need to incorporate once again into our conversations, workplaces, classrooms, reality shows, and political campaigns.

A cruel irony – News broke about Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi’s suicide on the very day a two-year Rutgers program called “Project Civility” began. The program, specifically designed to promote civil behavior in the digital age, kicked off Wednesday night on the Rutgers campus amid the reality that a student had just committed suicide after his two classmates allegedly broadcast his homosexual encounter over the internet without his knowledge.  (NJ.com)

It can be easy to hide behind the veil of social media anonymity.  Hopefully, programs like Rutgers’ “Project Civility” will infuse a sense of responsiblity into how these students utilize the power of the internet and social networking. More programs like these are needed in schools, businesses, and communities around the world! 

Have YOU ever felt victimized or slandered by others’ posts or use of digital media?

Are you doing more selling over the phone – instead of face-to-face?  Here are some tips for making those phone pitches more effective!

Let me know if you have any great ideas to add.

How to Make Effective Phone Pitches

Have you ever encountered a filthy microwave, dirty dishes in the sink, leftovers that have become science experiments, or an empty spot in the frig where your food used to be?    Break rooms are one of those common areas, along with bathrooms, cafeterias, and hallways, where we comingle with each other at work.  Here are some reminders that will help us all play nicely together.

Break Room Etiquette

We all dread meetings that are disorganized and accomplish nothing.  Here are 8 tips for attendees and 10 tips for those who organize them.  Let me know if you have one to add!

Business Meeting Etiquette

The most awkward part of small talk can be the breakaway – and, for many, it’s the very reason they shy away from engaging others to begin with.  How can you gracefully disengage yourself from a casual interaction?  Make sure your final comments have a positive spin and incorporate any “next steps” that were discussed during your conversation.  Here are some ideas for exiting gracefully:

“I’ve really enjoyed talking with you, but I don’t want to monopolize you.  Can we talk next week by phone?”

“I’m sure there are others here you’d like to meet.  I hope you enjoy the party.”

“I’m going to circulate and say hello to some of the other people here tonight.  I loved hearing about your trip to Italy.  May I contact you next week to get the name of your travel agent?”

“I see someone I must speak with before I leave tonight. I hope you have a good time this evening.  When I see Mr. Blair, I’ll be sure to introduce you to him.”